Guidelines for Divorced Parents of Teens

by Helen Martin Marriage consultant

One of the things that the new generation brought in is the ease with which we do things. More and more stuff is getting automated. People are trying to make their everyday life easier than ever. And that is great, as now you can do tons of things without even leaving your house. However, what that also brought in is the situation where you are struggling because of some of the new things. Let us take the marriage field for an example. A decade ago, this was a serious step in your life. People thought about marriage for many years before deciding to get into that. Yet, with all of the technology, we are seeing that teens are not valuing the marriage that much. Moreover, they are thinking that it is extremely easy to marry and divorce online. Well, that is true to some extent. Yet, what people do not realize is the fact that it is quite hard to divorce even though you have all of those services and stuff. Therefore, we are looking at a situation where we have many couples who are unhappy together. However, they are not able to divorce, as that is a pretty difficult thing to do. Yet, even with all of the difficulties, the rate of divorces in the current years is higher than ever before. And people are not ready to fight with the problems that the divorce brings in. Moreover, couples have no idea about the effects that such an event can bring to their lives. Therefore, it is crucial to talk about some guidelines that would help the younger generation with everything that they need. This article is here just to do that. So, here are some of the rules that you have to follow as a divorced parent.

1. Focus on the children

One of the biggest problems for the kids whose parents are divorced is the lack of love. Sure, they might feel that they are supported and have everything that they need to keep doing the things they like. However, with both parents constantly being tired and angry because of the divorce problems, the children are not getting the love they were before. That is where you have to step in. Remember, buying things for the kid and getting them from school every day is not the love they require. Make sure that you talk to them from time to time. That is extremely important for them, even though they might be showing and saying other. They will try to get more independent. And you will have to obey that independence and not try to break it. Yet, the contact is still needed and the kid will wait for it. Also, do not forget about everything that you already have to be doing for them. Put their interests over yours. If you want to go to a bar with friends, but a child wants you to take them to a football game, make sure to follow what they want. Yet, do not let them do anything that they want.

2. Let the child love another parent

A huge mistake that you can make is trying to make the child love you, while not love your ex-spouse. That is something that you have to immediately remove from your behavior. Sure, if the child loves another parent a little less, you might get some more attention. Yet, remember that the children grow up and rethink the actions you made previously. Therefore, if you did something that did not allow the kid to communicate with another parent or badmouthed them, they will remember. With time those memories are going to hit you back, as they will understand in full what you were doing. Therefore, it is best to let the children pick what they want. And if they love another parent more, it might be just because they are doing something better than you. So, why not try to change for them?

3. Do not expose the details of divorce to your children

Sure, you might feel like that would be the right thing to do at that point. You might feel like they are old enough to know everything and that they would feel better knowing what happened between mommy and daddy. Yet, things are different in this case. Most likely, the children are going to ask the question on their own later on in their lives. That is when you can tell them the truth. Up to that moment just try to give them some general things. That will most likely let them understand the situation a little more. Also, if you are still having some argues with your ex, make sure that the children do not know about those.