Exploring the alternative lifestyle - BDSM and Bondage

by Tessie J. Motivational Guru, Activist, Professional Speaker

The world is changing ever so slowly, but its changing none the less. We grew up with limited exposure and lesser choices, we had to learn from our surroundings and adapt accordingly. Community often dictated our choices but it had always been that way, before me, before my parents and their parents and so on but that is all changing. My Nana once told me that the 'world will get smaller, you'll see, it will be much smaller Tess'. While she was probably on about the local construction in our housing community that statement perfectly sums up the effect of global connectivity. Today, we are connected 24/7, through our mobiles, laptops, watches and whatnot. We consume more information per day, we read more, see more and are constantly aware. While many detractors have talked about the effect of connectivity on our social form, I believe that socialization has merely evolved. Today I know more about my friends than I did eight years ago but most of all, today I have more friends!

I have always had a strong belief that the more you learn, the more you experience, the more you know yourself. I have been a strong proponent of sexual freedom and expression, and these past few years have been instrumental in building that belief. I have met people from all walks of life, and I have sought help and have helped others in need. I have made some of the strongest bonds in my life, and I am extremely lucky to have such a support system. For those still out there exploring themselves or those who are afraid to talk or express themselves, I say, be yourself! You will be surprised how accepting people are around you! We may be afraid of opening up to our friends and close family members and that’s completely fine! We all want to be accepted! But it doesn’t mean that you should stop being who you are! Those who love you, care for you, will always be there, and those who leave, were just those who were waiting for a reason to abandon you in the first place!

If you are intrigued by an alternative lifestyle, be it BDSM or bondage; try learning about it for yourself. I always recommend getting your hand on some reading material or visual aid. Reading works best for me, but don't just run out and grab something like 50 shades of grey! There are tons of books to choose from, especially if you are just starting out! Here are just a few from the top of my head:

· The loving dominant – John Warren
This is an amateur guide for heterosexual men venturing out into the world BDSM. The author talks about the art of dominance and explores the hidden basis of a dominate-submissive relationship.

· The Control Book – Peter Masters

This book explores the psychology behind taking control of your partner. It teaches you how to take control, retain it and then give it back.

· Screw the Roses, send me the Thorns – Philip Miller
This an illustrative guide unfolding the truth about sadomasochism through the eyes of two experienced players. With over 200 photos and illustrations this book offers a unique look inside the world of BDSM.

· The Art of Sensual Female Dominance – Claudia Varrin

Guide for a dominant woman with ideas for making sex more exciting for you and your partner.

Learning only makes your experiences better! You can even try self-bondage and other BDSM activities at home, just to get a feel of it! You can get most bondage and BDSM products online! Practitioners often create exciting scenarios before playing them out, if you have a creative mind, possibilities are endless! There are plenty of websites that teach and comment on the art of self-bondage but it does have its risks as well, especially if you are blocking blood circulation in any way! It’s always prudent to have a backup plan, call over a friend and ask him to be punctual. It can even add to the excitement, especially if you do not want to come out.

With that said there is no substitute for socialization! If you are just starting out, it’s good to look for local communities in your area. Just use Google and you would be surprised by the numbers. Today, it’s a lot easier for people to find others with similar tastes or kinks, and with web-led communication, people can socialize with the comfort and safety of their own homes. Internet has made it easier for us to connect in privacy, if you are looking to join a local community network or forum, be sure to use a pseudonym and take it slow. I usually advise everyone to be patient, it’s important to build trust first, in any sort of relationship. Newbies can always start with local community meet ups, usually set in a plain vanilla environment such as a café or a diner. Remember you don’t have to commit to anything and it is always better to have a failsafe, i.e. a friend who knows where you are and can call the local police in case something goes awry!

In closing, I would advise you to respect the code of bondage and BDSM. Make sure that you have a safe word in every play, respect your partner and play with care and love! BDSM is not all about pain, so learn before you practice and last of all do nothing without consent! Happy Kinking :3