Articles
Where has conversation gone?
by Lisa Lomas Where has Conversation gone to?In the good old days conversation was alive and a handshake or
Conversation about a problem was the answer.
Recently I was involved in a situation where conversation failed
and then was a following of words "I am going to sue you".
I guess I am quite a bit old fashioned and where I think you
can agree to disagree and keep the lines of communication open
so each party wins.
Well in this New & modern Era with the Internet as our friend it
seems that fighting, word wars are the new way to wage a dispute
and a "I will sue you" comes next.
To me I see this as a break down in society where conversation is
only going to happen if two parties are old fashion like myself.
Its only now I am dealing with the suing word as I cannot say I
have heard it much over here, not that we are perfect, by no means
at all.
Now I am sure we all have disagreements, to me its good to work
to at least a compromise, sometimes this won't happen but at least
you finished your day peacefully and moved on the next day.
It seems this way of solving problems is causing much conversation when
its too late and not with the right people.
It seems to me that a talk in the beginning and some remedy and being
rational would of avoided many complications.
It seems to me others are Concentrating on the Negative in there lives
more than the positive. Lets face it, if you write it, its in your head.
With all the sickness, war, poverty, children missing and so and so on
is it really benefical that the negative be concentrated on.
The way I see it there will always be conflicts of personality but that
will happen and should not be in forethought. There won't always
be occassions where you see eye to eye.
Its quite sad to think of the disrespect of others and the demise of
society in this way. I do see it that if you can discuss and solve
when possible this will make for a happier & healthier way of thinking.
I do want Conversation to come back.
Lisa Lomas
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About Lisa Lomas 
924 connections, 6 recommendations, 3,612 honor points.Joined APSense since, May 18th, 2007, From Waikato, New Zealand.
Created on Dec 31st 1969 18:00. Viewed 0 times.
Comments
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Rae Steinbrink
 Unfortunately you are so right, too many are too busy to take the time to resolve a situation, yet will take the time to sue. Or, heaven forbid, take the time to end a life rather than resolve a conflict. Jan 18th 2008 15:34 |
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Lisa Lomas
Hello Peaceful & Mizrae, This was definately from the heart today, I do not like negativity and thank you both so much for your support. I consider you must be very good people and hope soon we can have a conversation. Warmest Regards Jan 18th 2008 15:51 |
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Not Here
 just want my account deletedHi Lisa, I am not even sure where to start with this one. I know that I myself ain't perfect by any means and we are all bound to have conflicts or a difference of opinion with others from time to time but in any case neither party is nessacarily right and even if if they were, being right doesn't make you any better than anyone else. The ability to look within and realise you are wrong and do something about it is a gift and virtue that will pay you tremdous dividends. Not always easy and sometimes the truth is even flat out ugly but as what's done is done you always have a choice to do things differently from any given moment. Then there are those who would sue any chance they get just for some easy cash or to try and prove some useless point. How twisted society has become! There is no easy solution but I believe conversations like this one are a start, caring and compassionate people getting together and doing great things may even be enough to turn the hearts of a few of these misguided ones..... Keeping an open mind, laughing(and learning from) at my very 'human' faults and learning from others and my experiences with them are the things that keep me going Jan 18th 2008 19:09 |
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Cheryl Baumgartner
 Medical Billing/Coding/InsuranceIt is a shame that it has come to this but "Sue" is definitely a popular young lady. Ever since she got involved with the hot coffee lady at McDonald's everyone wants to invite her to the party. Could be that that is listed as one of the easiest ways to get rich, win a big lawsuit. However lawsuits are becoming increasingly more frivolous. I posted some videos in a blog a couple of days ago about some frivolous lawsuits. Even when there is an effort made before a problem arises it ends in a lawsuit. Even Judges are getting in on the action, $67 million dollars for a lost pair of pants??? This is another way to make an easy buck and people are milking it for all it's worth. People are even setting up cases to sue someone (Remember the Wendy's "finger chili"?). Until people start to take responsibility for themselves, and learn to earn what they get, the problem will get worse. Jan 18th 2008 21:51 |
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Coach Steve Toth
Hi Lisa; Every moment in our life we have choice to tear down or build up. People who tear down don't understand yet that what they are doing to others they do to themselves. We all need to practice skillful thought & skillful faith vs blind thought & blind faith and be authentic with each other. The best way I have found to change the world is by starting with myself (complaining about or sharing how bad it is out there doesn't bring any change) This is why I'm committed to conversation & self-expression through Real Coaching Radio Network. Would you believe if I have have told you that I have started this quest in August of 2007 and now have 12 very successful shows and 12 more to roll out in the next 60 to 90 days. Beginning to get syndicated and being even noticed by XML. I'm not sharing this to brag but to show you that there are many ways to get involved that can bring huge change. To Your Success, Jan 18th 2008 22:59 |
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Lisa Lomas
Hello Garnet, I think Laughter is the massage of the soul. I agree with looking at the brighter side of life and feeling good about whom you are. None of us are perfect, that is why I think conversation is a great start. Warmest Regards Jan 18th 2008 23:41 |
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Lisa Lomas
HI ppl_cheryl63, Very good fun way of looking at this topic, I am so glad I shared with you all. This lawsuit thing is turning into a joke but I guess there is a time and a place where that is your only option. I think the simplier we make life, the easier it is on us. Just little ol' mes opinion, lol Jan 18th 2008 23:52 |
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Lisa Lomas
Hello Coach Steve, Yes Conversation in Coaching is crucial, I am pleased for your Success, Your success is measured by you and so you are successful. I do think "walk before you run" in business and I also believe in "think before you act". If this was used more often than not a terrible crash of people would be avoided. I agree with your words, well said!! Thank you Jan 18th 2008 23:59 |
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Rebecca Beasley
Consultant, Web Designer, Script Set UpCompassion and working toward a common goal is the key. I can't get over how some people just want to be right so bad they'll walk all over someone else to try to prove something and don't even try to see the other person's point of view. You've got to learn to put yourself in someone else's shoes before you can judge anyone, and judging yourself comes first. I've heard so many people quote the bible as saying, thou shalt not judge. But that's not what it says. It says, Judge not LEST ye be judged. Or in other words, if you you judge someone else, you're also going to be judged. So if you're going to judge, judge fairly or don't judge at all. Judge yourself first and and "sweep around your own back door" and then you'll be more able to judge someone else. Jan 19th 2008 03:44 |
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Beth Schmillen
Hi Lisa... This must be a disappointment to you also because you no doubt had felt you'd cultivated a business relationahip with this person? I can't imagine it being any other way. it is a real disappointment when a business relationship deteriorates the same as a personal one does... Conversation would be what is called for... intervention between the two parties now may need a third party to get a resolution to prevent it from becoming an actual lawsuit... I don't know the circumstances but I have actively read your blogs and postings and recognized you as a business woman who has respect for those you do business with and who has the good conscience to maintain ethical business relationships. I've experienced my first dealings online with a degree of dishonesty from someone I've been networking with in hopes of it becoming a wise business interest if I could get involved with it more at a future date... now I'm having my doubts! I'm very glad I read what you wrote. I had already contacted them to maintain the conversation to see if there could be a resolution for the very small problem .... and now I can see how and why this may have happened! There is the "What needs to be discussed openly" in the process of networking when you are helping another person - or being helped by them - to ennable each in such a way that they share and share alike in the exchange of information, goods or services involved... Clear. Both parties need to be clear about what they expect and what will be the result of an exchange... even for something as simple as a link exchange ... one can be taken advantage of if there's a lack of exchange! "what, my link isn't on their page?" Trust. When you enter into a business dealing that is barely based on a handshake there is the risk that the person you're dealing with won't keep what seems to be promised... As we all go about learning about having online businesses, even affiliate networking with one another... this is a something to take heed of and I feel bad that it was Lisa who had to go through what happened to bring it to our attention... Here's to conversation! Beth Jan 19th 2008 05:04 |
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Crystal Dunn
 I have encountered the whole I'm gonna sue you thing in my business. I had purchased a leads list where this guy or someone at his address requested information from me. I tried calling several times to no avail, noone would answer, I left several messages, same thing. I emailed him and that is when I got the sue thing. I removed him immediately out of my contact manager and that was resolved peaceably out of court. People can be hateful. I wish it wasn't so. I'd rather find out early before they are on my team. I ask questions now and if I don't think we can work together, I let them know that what I have is not for them to keep on their search and wish them well. Jan 19th 2008 12:48 |
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Lisa Lomas
Hi Becky, Well said, thank you for your sharing. Always a pleasure a team mate. Jan 19th 2008 15:10 |
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Lisa Lomas
Hi Beth, You had some good solid reasoning which is what is needed for sure in any dispute. Yes it did come about by a situation but I do not want to rehash. I think mediation is a good way to solve disputes, very good idea to put forward, its great to get so much conversation about Conversation (oh thats a mouthful). I live in New Zealand and only when I started dealing with America personalities then I heard it spoken of even in conversation. I know it happens everywhere and there is not bashing on americans at all!!!! I just did not understand at first as this was used as a FIRST resort, no conversation, no mediation, no respect. Thanks for sharing your opinion its truly wonderful to talk to adults. Jan 19th 2008 15:14 |
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Lisa Lomas
Hello Smileyhappymom, Its funny years ago I to had a dispute over leads. Now I totally agree, pick who you work with! This business is not for everyone and I do believe you must gain some sort of satisfaction from anything you do. Heres to you! Jan 19th 2008 15:16 |
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Jenny Stewart
Wise words Lisa, It does seem that the gentle art of conversation has died and been replaced with the small screen at home and "I'll sue you" in business. How right you are Rae that people who dont have time for conversation to resolved difficulties, do find time to sue!! The internet is a great medium for people to let rip, while they sit at their computers in their PJs, safe in the knowledge that they dont have to look you in the face and that noone else is looking. It is a haven for cowards and bullies - and regretably this is one of the downsides of this great new communication machine we have at our finger tips. Unfortunately the "me age" is affecting everyone it seems, When you say " ! can't get over how some people just want to be right so bad they'll walk all over someone else to try to prove something and don't even try to see the other person's point of view.", Becky it is only representative of the easy availability to business opportunities to pèople who are in no way equiped to deal with them. Can you imagine employing a manager who insulted your clients in an offline business. I am afraid that, although boring old fashioned things like conversation and manners may be declining off line - on line the situation is even worse. The new system seems to be Insult, cut and run, and then badmouth your victim all over the internet. No contract, no signature, nothing binding and a lot of power to be used or abused. !00% with you Lisa. I'll raise my glass in a toast to the return of conversation. Jan 20th 2008 20:26 |
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Lisa Lomas
Hi Jenny, I do think some of it is about us being in the attention age, people saying "look at me, look at me" I am a martyr" Cannot be bothered with unreasonable behaviours. It just does not make sense. I guess Suing is for the unreasonable ones, the ones bitter and the ones unable to come to a mediation or agreement. So I guess to say if you can converse and your next person can to then you will have success with many people and make many good friends. Heres to long lasting friendships, lol Jan 22nd 2008 18:40 |
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Mark Johnson
 I remember a time when disagreements between two people were settled sharing across the back fence over lemonade... Those days are gone (except with your next door neighbors) In this internet age, it's easy to misinterpret someone's meaning, tone,...etc simply because you can't see or hear them. You can't decipher body laguange, inflections, or tone of voice. Bottom line is: Folks interpret things the way to. There's nothing we can do about it (except to try use emoticons to try to smooth things out). That's just my 2 cents. Jan 22nd 2008 19:16 |
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Lisa Lomas
Hi Mark, That is a very good point and yes very true. With the miles between us all this is internet reality so compassion and good conversation and double checking. We do have this issue also I think with conversation and translations this can help. Thank you for sharing Mark Jan 23rd 2008 13:15 |
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I must say that I totally agree with your fine point of view, Lisa! :)
This society has become so packed with self- involved, tehno- dazed, machine wrapped "people " that it's almost impossible for them to really reach inside themselve and find the time to actually have a Human Moment.
Conversation, Listening and simple problem solving without threats are sadly going away in today's world... I have seen so many people resort to violence when a few seconds of politeness, and understanding could have prevented such a thing.
I hope that you will find that not to be the same in your Life... As I have here where I live.
Perhaps, keeping myself as Positive as possible and with Humour as my close friend, help me make it through this negative stuff a bit easier. Sometimes, I find that it's better to have a good conversation with Your Self, than to try and evoke one out of someone who has forgotten how...
May Joy, Abundance and Peace be with You and Yours! :)
Jan 18th 2008 15:10