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Womens Restroom
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When you have to visit a public restroom, you usually find a line of women, so
you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet
under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you
dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't-so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance". In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance". To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday-the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backwards against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lost your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper-not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get." By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet papet trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this." As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with public restrooms. It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door! Wendy "Global Wide" "Business-in-a-Box" |
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This blog does not match any question.Comments (25)
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| I need advice for a women section, it is under Female Enterprise at bbMogul.com |
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| Better Life Keep looking mayhap you will find someone from India here Not sure they will respond to this though LOL Thanks Wendy "Global Wide" "Business-in-a-Box" |
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| Marie ROFLMAO Hey my friend you weren't the only one raised in family of 4 men (or all boys) LOL I too had 3 sons and hubby makes 4 Can relate to everything you say Specially if you have had a few drinks before going to bed and you forget the seat is up and splash in you go ROFLMAO One hell of rude awakening HAHAHAHA What amazes me though is when we have our granddaughter her Hubby remembers to put the seat in case she need to go thru the nite. Weird that it Can't do it for me though LOL Wendy "Global Wide" "Business-in-a-Box" |
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| Interesting. I am from India. Will some woman share her experience about using restroom in India.
Love all, hate none. Keep smiling, it connects. Create better life for self and others. |
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| Hey Wendy That was good and then not so good. Bad experience are always the ones we remember. That was cute. What do you think about living in a house with four males and one bathroom? Okay the thought of having to go to the bathroom is very slim. It seems as though everyone have to go at the same time and then one out of the four forget to put the toilet seat down. Now by the time they're finished your in such a tight that if you laugh, coughed or sneeze you bound to just let it all flow. so you make to the bathroom trying to unfasten your pants forgot you had on a belt(duh) now you really have to go so you just reminisce on something else to get your mind off of going to the bathroom. Finally as you begin to sit you remember that four males just went to the bathroom and at the same time of rememberer you sit down. You are now inside the toilet butt touching the water in the toilet(please do not do this in the dark) Your angry, upset because not only did you use the toilet but your actually inside the toilet you reach for the toilet paper there is any and no one seem to find any. I said this to say this why do males forget to put the toilet seat down when they use the bathroom. I think it is just as discussing at home than it is in a public restroom. The odds are different but the results are equal. Thanks for sharing the bad but oh so funny experience. I thought I was the only one that had that one happen to me. How about going through this at home right after you have it happen in a public restroom? I believe that if someone experience this more times than they expect they will probably invent something for us women to settle our bad bathroom experiences. Great Thanks Super Eden |
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| No Binh Unfortunately it was not experience but boy can I ever vouch for it. It can happen Been in some really long line ups and it does happen LOL Glad you enjoyed the read Wendy "Global Wide" "Business-in-a-Box" |
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| Forgive me for the fast comment. Was it really YOUR experience?
binh.name opentips.com cars.apmart.com |
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| This is as funny as... my tommy is hurt. Thank you Wendy for sharing YOUR very bad experience. http://binh.name binh.name opentips.com cars.apmart.com |
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| ricarde Thanks I thought so too LOL "Global Wide" "Business-in-a-Box" |
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| Funnnnnny!
Great Deals on Sony's Playstation 3 |
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